This is my friend Christina’s new show.
Check out the website and the trailor.
- View the trailor.
I survived!
I’m home and resting comfortably.
This is going to be a short update for now because I am really wasted on my cocktail of happy pills and the screen is wavy like a flag in the wind.
The doc removed little twin tumors and we’ll have to wait three to five days for those results.
He filled the space in with some kind of new bone filler. Recovery will be six weeks but there is the potential for some reconstructive surgery if the new stuff doesn’t work out.
I’m tired so I’ll write more on Saturday.
Much love to all!
I don’t feel like writing like me
have you sat down lately on one of your cushiest couches
when you’ve been feeling like two-hundred and fifty-six grouches
or tried tapping a wobbly tippity typer
while your fingers were shaky and crazy and hyper
sometimes you feel more like your mother
your sister, a brother
or even some other
and your words start to stutter and flutter or clutter
and your fingers they slip like some slippery butter
sometimes words get stuck like the leaves in your gutter
and you can’t find another, some other or nuther
you can’t find the typer that lives in your fingers
the grouchies are lazy and grouchies can linger
the grouchies hide in us grouches while we type on our couches
the nice words stuck in our heads in little dead pouches
if that happens to you
well i recommend highly
that you search all your pouches
and pull out a smiley
because smileys are funny and shine when it’s not sunny
and they’re jazzy and frizzy and cost you no money
they’re jumpy and perky and they don’t like grouches
and won’t let the grouchies into their silly woo-pouches
so talk to your kiddies or mommies or poppy
your hubbies or wiveys and friends you can copy
they’ll help you get rid of those grumpy grouch pouches
and soon you’ll be typing… on silly smiley couches
Ronslist
Save my sister from storing this in her basement for me.
This home gym has to go NOW. I HATE to get rid of it but it’s in my father’s basement and he is moving in less than a month.
Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure. As an added bonus, if you are one of the next 100 callers, you will receive the stationary bike for FREE!
The asking price is $400 and includes EVERYTHING in the pictures.
Kurt Warner
My friend Eric sent me a wonderful story about Arizona Cardinals QB Kurt Warner.
It’s an email that’s been going around for quite some time and something that will warm your heart on this wintry day.
Regardless of what you think of him or his wife, you can’t help but admire the man.
The link below tells the email story as well as an account that is a little more accurate.
Shower Liner
We decided to splurge this weekend and buy the Heavy Duty Shower Liner. I don’t know what made us do it. I think we must have been feeling a little crazy. The extra $2.50 was a bit of a hit to the budget but we figured it would have a longer life and save us money in the long run.
All of my showering life I have had the same ritual. I start the water, close the liner and curtain, and then wet the wall down at each end so that the liner sticks to it and doesn’t allow any water out.
I believe this habit began at a very young age when my brother, sister, and I were continually getting in trouble for letting water out of the shower. Back then, the bathroom floor tile was always falling apart in the apartment that we lived in. And whenever water escaped the tub, it would end up leaking through and dripping into the bathroom below. Once in a while it would get into the light fixture and cause sparks.
That is how the habit began. So this morning I wet the walls as usual. I placed the liner against the wall and began to smooth it down. And then I felt them. SUCTION CUPS! The edge of the liner had three or four suction cups on each end!
Who in the hell was brilliant enough to think of that and why did it take them so long? Why didn’t I think of it? Why didn’t my mother or father think of it? It would have saved them hours of screaming their freaking heads off.
Has this fabulous feature been around for a while? Am I just discovering it because I finally upgraded to the Heavy Duty Shower Liner?
I don’t suppose it matters how or why the Heavy Duty Shower Liner and I were finally brought together. The important thing is that it happened.
Lost
What in the Hell was going on with LOST last night? I was so freaking confused I was ready to turn it off.
Now I admit that I’m terrible at following plots and remembering who did what and why they did it.
But the part about going back three years and then forward three years and… it’s just way too stressful for me.
I’m not about to give any details here just in case you haven’t watched it yet. Actually I couldn’t tell you what happened if my life depended on it.
I’m only slightly confused with 24. But at least at the end of the season there is a conclusion and everything falls into place.
I’m going to watch Sponge Bob now. At the end of the half hour I’m always guaranteed to have figured out TWO plots AND have some laughs.
“Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”
And Patrick is just so stupid… yesterday he kept blaming Sponge Bob for eating his candy bar… but then when they showed Patrick you could see the chocolate on his face! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I think what I love the most about Sponge Bob is that he is an eternal optimist. I would love to meet him someday.
Oh don’t even get me started on Mr. Crabs…
Hmmm…
I’m beginning to notice a trend here…
Whenever I write about subjects that may not be so pleasant, my Blog numbers go up… more people are reading.
But when I write about happy occasions… the numbers go drastically down.
SO HERE ARE SOME SUBJECTS THAT I’LL BE WRITING ABOUT IN THE COMING DAYS…
Thurs: What my physician REALLY said when he touched my penis.
Fri: The story about the day I wiped out on my bike, cracked my helmet, and almost died.
Mon: The day we carried my mom to the ambulance for the last time.
Tues: The night I said goodbye to my mom for the very last time.
Wed: The day the music died.
Thurs: The odds of you getting cancer.
Fri: Surgery Day and what goes through my head when I think that I may never see my loved ones again.
Sat: This will be a great one! The day after surgery and even though I’ll be completely f**ked up on meds, I’ll still share EVERYTHING that is going through my head. DON’T MISS IT!!!
Opps…
My surgery is on January 30th… NOT December 30th.
Silly me! 
And I’m not even on those wonderful pain meds yet.
The Ankle Tumor Appointment
So I saw the tumor doctor today for my ankle. I was convinced before I got there that he was going to want to chop it off and shove a fake foot on the end.
Well the news was a little better. I will have surgery on Friday, December 30th to remove the new tumor. There are two scenarios that are possible. He won’t know which one he’ll be dealing with until he begins poking around in there.
The first one is the more favorable of the two. He would go in, chop the old cement out, yank the tumor out, blast it all with a laser, and then fill the spaces with more cement. That procedure would mean I’d be on crutches for four to six weeks.
The second scenario would kind of suck. He would go in and hack away at the cement still. But it is very likely that the remaining bone of my ankle socket would crumble. That would mean having to put a dead person’s freaking bone in there (I asked for the bone of a former tri-athlete or some other athletic stud).
He would fuse that together with my own bone and some screws and plates and whatever else he has hanging around I guess. I would then be on crutches for about three months!
In either case the ankle is still shot. No running, jumping rope, or playing hopscotch. If I’m not careful it will crumble and I’ll go down in a heap.
I will still be able to swim and bicycle though. But again, I’ll have to wait until everything is healed before putting any pressure on it.
The tumor is very aggressive and as I’ve said in the past, it affects about one in a million people. It’s not unusual that it has returned and there’s a good chance it will want to visit again. Usually after a couple years of this, it will give up. There is little chance that it will be cancerous.
I’m even more worried about the affect all of this is going to have on my earning ability. I do not have any type of disability insurance. I need to drive in order to make money. I have a few ideas about how to get from place to place. I learned how to drive with my left foot last year but am told that I can get myself into a little bit of trouble if something were to go wrong.
Now more than ever I can use your help in getting referrals for my business. My target groups are businesses that have between 3 and 500 employees. That’s it! I just need a foot in the door and I’ll do the rest. I’ll hopefully be working with another agent in my office that will be able to drive me to appointments, but I’m still working on that.
I was lectured by friends and family last week when I didn’t go to them before running out of oil and almost busting our pipes (sounds painful). So I won’t make the same mistake again. If I can just open a few accounts a month, we should be able to get through this. But as most of you know, I have issues with making calls and have relied on networking and referrals.
I’m sorry that I have to ask for this favor but I want to get through this by staying busy and making money despite the obvious limitations I could be facing.
And if anyone has any good, strong cadavers lying around in the basement, I’d like to check them out. I’d rather know where they are coming from opposed to getting something shoved into my ankle that came out of a stranger’s body.
So all and all, it was good news today if you consider what most people hear when they are told that they have a rare tumor. And for that I am very, very grateful.
I’m planning to look and feel my best EVER when I walk my daughter down the isle in October!
