Posting from the great outdoors

I’m at Lake Garda with the ten year-old and his weird little friend. So this is my first outdoor post ever. It sucks down here. The mosquitoes are sucking the Deet from my skin to get to the blood. I’m sitting on a bumpy rock bench and my ass is killing me. My iPod is blaring in my ears at a high volume so I don’t have to listen to these idiot kids screaming their heads off whenever they mistaken a twig for a fish bite.

I’m sitting on this rock bench instead of my comfy picnic table bench because it seems to be a little closer to whatever house I’m pulling free Internet service from right now. The more I think about it, I wonder if I should leave one ear naked so that I can hear if one of these kids gets a hook in the face or something. I’d rather hear the initial scream instead of them sneaking up on me with blood squirting from a forehead or cheek.

Oh man that would suck spending the Jewish New Year in the ER. At least I’d have my iPod to block out the sounds of the other screaming kids. Oye Vay (Jewish term that Nana always used).

Well maybe I’ll go and toss a hook into the water. Freaking mosquitoes!

Fishin’ With Ten Year-Old

OK so I haven’t figured out the font thing yet or how to put my topics on the sidebar. Just bear with me here and maybe you’ll be surprised one day to see that I have figured it all out.

So we went fishing last night. I hate to fish. I used to love it as a kid (at least I think I did) and spent many summer days at Pine Lake tossing the bobber and hook into the water and sitting there like an idiot waiting for some type of deformed creature to tug at it.

But now my son has fallen in love with the sport (is it a sport?) so my duty as a dad is to also love it. I even found the two poles that I had as a kid and also remembered how to tie a fishing knot.

Most of my adult friends love to fish and some of them will be reading this for the first time. I don’t care. I don’t care if they laugh and make fun of me (what’s new). I don’t care if they think I’m a girly-man sissy-boy either. I hate worms… and… well… I use rubber gloves to put them onto the hook. There I said it! And I use rubber gloves to rip the hook out of the poor freaking fish’s mouth. Is that so bad? The way that worm pops and oozes black gook as I push it onto the hook makes me gag and almost vomit. Thank God for spinners and fake worms.

I can fish all day with fake worms. The fish know they’re fake so they don’t touch them. That means I don’t have to worry about using the rubber gloves to rip a fish free.

So what I usually do now is find a spot where I’m hidden from my son by some brush or a tree. I cast the fake bait into the water and listen for, “Nice cast Dad!” Then I sit and… reach into my pocket… and pull out… my iTouch. Yessssssss! And on my iTouch I have the most addicting download I’ve ever purchased: TRISM. DO NOT be tempted to spend the $4.95 unless you want to piss off your spouse, have something to do while your kid sits on the bench, or you hate to fish.

Two hours of fishing feels like 15 minutes now. And if my son catches me with the iTouch in my hands, I just tell him that I’m on Google trying to find out the best way to catch a fish at (insert time) on a (insert weather condition) day.

It’s the perfect day of fishing!