For my 40th birthday party I purposely wrote in the invitations not to bring me gifts. I thought everyone would think of it as a selfless act and then they’d bring me even more than they normally would have.
Here’s a list of the people in my family and my guess as to whether they will be giving me a gift this year.
Wife: Maybe (we usually make a deal not to exchange)
Father: No (is having money issues but always did in the past)
Mother: Dead (but she would if she was alive)
Nana & Grandpa: Dead (but they would if they were alive)
Grandma G: Dead (probably would if she was alive)
Mother and Father-in-law: Yes (already have given it to me)
Only Sister: Yes (already has given it to me even though I still owe her $100 for the Stevie Wonder concert ticket)
Only Brother: Yes (because he is so kind and very good to his big brother)
Son #1: No
Son #2: No (I didn’t give him a gift last year because he owed me money)
Son #3: No
Son #4: Yes (he will make me something cute)
Only Daughter: Yes (way too generous)
For all the other readers out there: I particularly like gift cards from: iTunes, Kohls, Dicks (the next time you are in Dicks and there is a cute cashier, ask her if she ever gets sick of Dicks), Walmart, and Home Depot.
After writing something like this, you have to wonder why my family even speaks to me.