New Year, New Bodies

Posted: January 5, 2009 in Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, Facebook, The Biggest Loser
Tags: ,

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me.

The contest officially began at 12:01am this morning. The Biggest Goralski Loser Residing at 24 Circle Drive, Unionville.

Wife, the ten year-old and I are in a battle to see who will lose the most weight by May 31st.

The contest is set up so that the ten year-old needs only to lose one pound for every two pounds that me and wife lose.

The winner will recieve a cool $250 cash! (If the ten year-old is even close, we’ll give it to him.)

Don’t worry that we shouldn’t have the ten year-old on a diet. If you saw the cute little boy, you wouldn’t be concerned.

I’ll keep you updated on our progress. My personal goal is between 30-40 lbs for starters.

We’ve also incorporated exercise into the program and tonight I’ll actually take my first yoga class with my Wii Personal Trainer.

Facebook

Remember the line in the Grinch movie when Jim Carrey says, “Stop! It’s too much, too soon!”

He was referring to when he came down to Whoville to participate in the festivities and everyone was giving him too much attention.

Well… this Facebook thing is freaking me out a little. The chit-chat is great, but I can’t stand the back and forth passing of everything from coffees to freaking flying pigs.

I’m begging all of you to stop. Please, it’s too much, too soon.

The truth is that I never really wanted to be discovered. I made the mistake once of doing a Dear Ron edition of a newsletter for our youth football league. I even put my picture to it! What was I freaking thinking? Ever since then, I get asked every question from, Why do you schedule games during my church time, TO What size cup do you think my son should wear?

OK… I love the whole concept of Facebook. In fact, it’s already reunited me with some old friends.

I can even appreciate the intimacy involved in telling everyone that you’ve just gotten your period or you’re waiting for your Viagra to activate Mr. Floppy.

It’s like having a two-way mirror spitting out words that you would have otherwise never been exposed to.

Ron Goralski is having a panic attack because a tow truck just passed the house. (I have a fear of tow trucks.)

Ron Goralski’s watching porn on his iPod Touch. (Just a silly example.)

Ron Goralski’s pulled a gray hair out of his left nostril with a little bugger still attached.

Ron Goralski’s taking another Prozac because his father keeps calling. (Just another random example.)

Ron Goralski’s left testicle hurts after riding the stationary bike for 45 minutes. (It ended up being nothing to worry about.)

Ron Goralski’s oldest sons didn’t get him Christmas or birthday gifts this year. (It’s not about the presents.)

Ron Goralski’s now going to take his first yoga class. (I wish the user could dress the Wii instructor in the outfit of their choice… know what I’m saying?)

Ron Goralski’s happy to be on Facebook! (He really is… POKE HIM!)

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Comments
  1. Hopefully you don’t have any enemies, since you just told them where to find you…

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