Guess Who’s President

Posted: February 28, 2009 in Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, Mud and Thunder, Youth sports
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I was elected the President of the Farmington Valley MudHogs Youth Football & Cheerleading Association on Thursday night.

I ran unopposed so there really wasn’t much suspense in the final outcome. It’s a job that you take because after awhile it just ends up being YOUR turn. After eleven years of holding various positions on the Board, it was MY turn.

It’s not as glamorous of a position as you might think. The new VP picked me up in a fifteen year-old little Honda or Nissan or something like that. There were no armor doors. I’m not even sure if it had airbags.

Nobody introduced me to the Chamber as I entered and gave my acceptance speech.

The First Lady and I were ready for a night on the town at the conclusion of the meeting.

We had both chosen our favorite fashion designers to dress us up for the big night. My wife decided on Dress Barn and I chose Larry Levi and Don Docker.

We stopped by several homes of the newly elected Cabinet. They didn’t answer their doors and even after knocking on the windows, we were greeted by drawn blinds and barking dogs.

We went to Taco Bell. They had no idea who we were. I very nicely pointed out that we were the President and First Lady of the MudHogs and that several of the others in line were probably the Secret Service assigned to protect us.

The little twerp taking our order called the store manager over. Even HE became rude when we informed him of the occasion and how the cost of the food surely had already been taken care of.

We decided to leave and head to our new home. Maybe we had the wrong night.

When we got to the home of last season’s league President, he and his family were still there. In fact they slammed the door in our faces when we questioned them as to when they’d be vacating the premises. They’d been the First Family for five years and I knew the move was going to be hard on them but they’ve known since last November that it was coming to an end.

The police that arrived shortly thereafter had no idea about the situation at hand and treated us like common folk. They were even going to handcuff us if we didn’t remove ourselves from the property immediately.

I was beginning to think that something was not right in Mudville. The Secret Service assigned to us must have missed a turn along the route to the President’s residence because we couldn’t find them anywhere.

The night was not proceeding as I had imagined. We even had a gift for the former First Lady. She threw it at me while yelling, “Get the f**k out of here!”

There was a major disconnect someplace along the transfer of power. It was shaping up as quite a challenge for us. I just wanted to get down to the business of running the Kingdom that had been handed over to me.

I was the freaking President for goodness sake and nobody seemed to care outside of that Board meeting!

We decided to head back to 24 Circle Drive and spend the night there as we had for the past twelve years.

There was a car parked out front. Its lights were off, two men sat in the dark and watched our every move. The Secret Service must have finally figured out where we were. It was comforting to know that they’d be watching our every move.

For the next several days they stuck to us like dirt on a sweaty kid. We were finally getting the respect that my new position demanded.

I was worried about an attempt on my life. Several coaches were in jeopardy of not being recalled to their old positions. There was some chatter on the Internet that an attack was imminent.

I didn’t let any of it affect me. The First Lady and I still attended our ten year-old’s last basketball game of the season. The car that had stood watch over our home each night followed close behind as we made the three mile drive to the school.

In fact they even waited out in the parking lot during the entire game and made sure we arrived safely back home.

I’m hoping that the house situation will take care of itself very soon. For some reason, the Secret Service agents won’t let us get close to our new home. It’s been a frustrating few days since the Inauguration.

Being the new President sure has its challenges.

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