If I claim to be a wise man…

It took forty-eight years for me to finally become marginally wise. That’s debatable of course. But I’ll give you my word on that one. 

I was always very close to the margin but couldn’t quite cross over that last jagged edge of self-assuredness.

It was essentially five bits of wisdom from four different family members and one local columnist that finally got me there. 

I’m not going to tell you who the five people are or what I learned from them. They are mine (the bits of wisdom). You’ll have to get your own. 

It’s not that they wouldn’t be of any use to you – it’s just that they weren’t meant for you.  

If it sounds selfish of me – I apologize.

I read a hundred helpful quotes on Facebook a day. I usually really like two or three of them. Then I forget them. 

I’m not quite sure why that is. I can quote Frost, Emerson, or Thoreau for about ten minutes immediately after reading them. But the custom-made quotes – they don’t leave me. 

Funny thing is you probably don’t even realize when you’ve shared one of your own. You certainly don’t notice the other person reaching to grab it before it’s lost or wasted on those ears that don’t recognize good words when they hear them. 

Quotes get stolen all of the time. They get misplaced just as often which is why I like to receive mine in an email or a secured area. 

I was told by a reader once that she used a quote of mine at her dinner table. I’m sure it was forgotten ten minutes later.

I don’t remember how I got on this subject – of quotes. What I do remember is the advice from my five people. 

Maybe one day without realizing it; I’ll use that advice in a quote of my own. That won’t be the same as stealing though.

And to think it took me forty-eight years to figure this out.

Odds and Ends from the Odd Weekend

MY ANKLE
       I’m an idiot and if my ankle heals at a 67 degree angle it’s all my fault. I don’t like to ask people for help. I like to do things on my own and I usually have five projects going at once. I have my own system and I want it done the way I want it done.
       So I didn’t bother waiting for my wife or my son and his friend before I decided to clear the three-season porch so that it could become a tempory storage area. My father is moving and we are losing the storage space in his basement.
       I began by trying to tip a couch on its side. I knew I couldn’t put much weight on my right leg so I’d have to mostly use my powerful upper body strength. You are all the first to hear about this and I’ll expect you keep it to yourselves. The freaking couch was almost on its side, we were both barely balancing. We landed together. Luckily we landed together and with me on the top.

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY
       My youngest Godchild turned two years-old last week. We had her birthday party on Saturday. My brother and sister-in-law  have three girls. The two youngest are twins. My sister and brother-in-law have also have three girls. The two oldest are twins. Our youngest is a boy. He does not have a twin. In fact none of our children has a twin but if we had to choose which one we’d like to have two of, it would be the girl.
       Even though he was outnumbered six to one, the only boy of the group had a fantastic time. I know this because he told his mom and I all the way home and then again once we arrived home. A year ago he was bored out of his mind at such occasions. It’s a welcome transition.

SCRABBLE
       You can play Scrabble on Facebook! Years ago I was introduced to the game by a coworker. We bought a travel size Scrabble board and hid it in a corner. Throughout the day, we’d mosey on over to our corner, take our turn and return to our job until the other person went. We’d go back and forth all day, all week, for months. She would pound me into the ground and had no mercy.
       I’m doing fairly well on Facebook. I have one friend that gives me a run for my money and has beaten me twice. But besides that, I’ve only lost one other game to some hotshot college kid. I’m sure I am only an average player at this point, but it’s addicting as all heck!

BUDGET
       My sister-in-law is about to take on a huge task. She will be teaching my wife and I how to budget our money. My sister has offered her services many times over the past couple of years too. But now, with my paycheck based on how many groups and companies I can get into, it’s imperative that we get help.
       So whereas I didn’t ask for help with the couch, I am fully aware that I need help in this area. So I want to thank my brother and sister-in-law for everything that they are about to help us with.
       As I have learned recently (beginning with my dear friends that helped us out with oil), asking for help is not admitting that you are weak. We all have friends and family that love us and if we are lucky, can read the signs and know when there is trouble.
       I have been so lucky over the past two-and-a-half-years. Little guardian angels have appeared when I’ve needed them the most. And you all know exactly who you are.
       I’m also lucky to have friends that will guide me in the right direction and share their knowledge like my dear friend that I spoke with today on his way to New Hampshire.

THE CENTURY
       Recreational cyclists have a test that we call a Century. It’s riding 100 miles in one day. 
       I want to do that this season. I did it once on my only attempt and it really is something to be proud of.
       I’d like to get as many of my friends together as possible to join me this coming September. The plan is to train during the summer and little by little work up to the big day. I’m thinking perhaps the second Saturday in September but that is subject to change.
       We can even collect money to donate to cancer or another cause. It’s not a race and you don’t need a $3000 bike. I’ll write more about it in the upcoming months. I’m still at least a month away from ditching my crutches so if you think you are too out of shape to even think about it, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!
       Let me know if you are interested.

MMM
       I’ll be getting out of the house tomorrow to attend the Monday Morning Meeting at work. As you have all read, I need to jump-start this train and follow some leads to the bank. It won’t be easy following the new budget if I can’t make any money. So please read the last few posts and if you can help me out at all, I would appreciate it more than you will ever know.

New Year, New Bodies

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me.

The contest officially began at 12:01am this morning. The Biggest Goralski Loser Residing at 24 Circle Drive, Unionville.

Wife, the ten year-old and I are in a battle to see who will lose the most weight by May 31st.

The contest is set up so that the ten year-old needs only to lose one pound for every two pounds that me and wife lose.

The winner will recieve a cool $250 cash! (If the ten year-old is even close, we’ll give it to him.)

Don’t worry that we shouldn’t have the ten year-old on a diet. If you saw the cute little boy, you wouldn’t be concerned.

I’ll keep you updated on our progress. My personal goal is between 30-40 lbs for starters.

We’ve also incorporated exercise into the program and tonight I’ll actually take my first yoga class with my Wii Personal Trainer.

Facebook

Remember the line in the Grinch movie when Jim Carrey says, “Stop! It’s too much, too soon!”

He was referring to when he came down to Whoville to participate in the festivities and everyone was giving him too much attention.

Well… this Facebook thing is freaking me out a little. The chit-chat is great, but I can’t stand the back and forth passing of everything from coffees to freaking flying pigs.

I’m begging all of you to stop. Please, it’s too much, too soon.

The truth is that I never really wanted to be discovered. I made the mistake once of doing a Dear Ron edition of a newsletter for our youth football league. I even put my picture to it! What was I freaking thinking? Ever since then, I get asked every question from, Why do you schedule games during my church time, TO What size cup do you think my son should wear?

OK… I love the whole concept of Facebook. In fact, it’s already reunited me with some old friends.

I can even appreciate the intimacy involved in telling everyone that you’ve just gotten your period or you’re waiting for your Viagra to activate Mr. Floppy.

It’s like having a two-way mirror spitting out words that you would have otherwise never been exposed to.

Ron Goralski is having a panic attack because a tow truck just passed the house. (I have a fear of tow trucks.)

Ron Goralski’s watching porn on his iPod Touch. (Just a silly example.)

Ron Goralski’s pulled a gray hair out of his left nostril with a little bugger still attached.

Ron Goralski’s taking another Prozac because his father keeps calling. (Just another random example.)

Ron Goralski’s left testicle hurts after riding the stationary bike for 45 minutes. (It ended up being nothing to worry about.)

Ron Goralski’s oldest sons didn’t get him Christmas or birthday gifts this year. (It’s not about the presents.)

Ron Goralski’s now going to take his first yoga class. (I wish the user could dress the Wii instructor in the outfit of their choice… know what I’m saying?)

Ron Goralski’s happy to be on Facebook! (He really is… POKE HIM!)