The dog

The dog bit the ten year-old today. I’m not sure why except maybe she thought the boy was trying to take something away from her. She was laying next to the electric heater when the attack occurred. I think she may have been a little too close because I could smell burning fur. But since she’s already black, I couldn’t really tell.     

 

I have a brother-in-law that has some black fur on his back. I wonder if it keeps him warm on cold nights. When I don’t shave my ears for a couple of days it kind of looks like black fur is growing out of them. Then there’s a section of my nostrils, way, way up and inside, towards the tip. You can only see it if you kind of peel the top of the nostril upwards. I know this because once in a while the fur will appear just along the top ridge. I usually have to hold the corner up and stick my nose trimmer way up into it.   

It’s tricky because the fur grows in a clump and there’s always a bugger or two hanging onto it. If I’m not careful and jab at it, there’s a chance I can miss my target completely and stab the inside of my nose causing it to bleed uncontrollably. I’m sure there is a large population of guys that have never even thought to look up there.

The freaking barking dog

I want the dog to run away. I love her but she barks at every little thing. I tried putting her outside without a leash. She ran across the street and I thought she was gone. But she went poop instead and ran back looking for a treat.

I work from home a lot and it’s hard when I’m on the phone and doggy barks-a-lot starts to freak out because a car drives by the house.

This dog can walk like a human. I’m serious. She takes four and five steps at a time when she gets excited. I keep telling her to run away and join the circus. There are other animals there. She’ll have much more in common with them.

But then she starts acting cute and thinking that I actually like her. Lately she’s been jumping on me while I’m on the couch with my laptop. And her paws land on the keys and she thinks she’s typing. Her first sentence was “wefhgd bgvh pklio”. I think she’s trying to tell me something.

I just want her to run far, far, away. I don’t like dogs. Not even cute little ones with eyes that glow in the dark or sit on the chair next to you watching as you type. I don’t like the snuggling and licking when I’m trying to watch TV.

Run away dog. I’ve had enough barking for today. Just don’t go too far away.